Note: The following is a parody. It is completely fictional and while it refers to real people and events, it is entirely a fictional representation. It is not meant to be viewed as a real magazine. The actions and photos included are all fakes.
She is both famous and infamous but it is the infamy that has defined her for too long. And it’s that infamy which Lindsay Lohan is eager to put behind her. She’s out of rehab. She’s looking for a fresh start. She’s eager to prove herself. And she’s come to the pages of Celebrities Illustrated to show that the body she’s famous for has not deserted her and that she can be just as sexy as she ever was back when she burst onto the scene like a supernova.
“I know people aren’t inclined to give me the benefit of the doubt,” Lindsay says to us as part of a frank and lengthy interview. “I’ve burned so many bridges. I’ve blown so many chances. I’ve made so many bad decisions. Frankly, I wouldn’t trust myself either. But I’m back, I’m clean. I’m sober. I’m living my life one day at a time. This is what I want. I’m not going to allow myself to be viewed as some kind of a joke anymore. I’m going to show people that I can do this. I’m going to show them that I deserve to be taken seriously. I’m going to prove myself.”
And what better way for her to prove herself than with a Lindsay Lohan nude layout in Celebrities Illustrated? She’s always been a very bewitching beauty and we have long wanted her in our pages ever since she first charmed us in Mean Girls and before the bottom dropped out just as quickly as the ceiling seemed limitless for a beautiful woman with real talent and crack comic timing.
So Lindsay is aware of the struggles she faces on a daily basis. She knows there’s not a lot of trust out there for her. But she knows that she can’t just give up.
“If I let people think the worst about me was true then I really would be just the mindless bimbo that so many people assume I am,” Lindsay said. “I believe I can do this. I can live a clean and sober life. I think I really never truly accepted what I had done to myself was a problem until the last time. But I know. I know what I have to do to make myself better. I know that I have to struggle with this one day at a time and that I will always be an addict. I know I have to prove myself and that people are going to think I’m lying or conning people. But I can do this and I will do this!”
So it’s not all doom and gloom with Lindsay. She’s eager to face these challenges and earn back the respect and acclaim that once was hers. And part of that is showing off how healthy she is especially if that means taking it all off for our magazine. And that’s why we were so happy to be able to get Lindsay Lohan naked in a sexy layout that puts any other pictures of Lindsay Lohan nude to shame. She proved herself to be a very willing model too, eager to show off that the body is still there and the spirit is healthier than ever.
For years people have wanted to see Lindsay Lohan undressed and she’s never been a particularly shy girl, but no nude scenes or other magazine layouts are going to match what has come together here at Celebrities Illustrated as her gorgeous body is put out there in one of our hottest layouts yet. She’s been someone who has fascinated us all for years and here she is, healthier than ever and eager to show people she still has what it takes.
“I’ve never been insecure about my body,” Lindsay admits. “I’ve heard all the comments about my big tits and I actually kind of like it. I like knowing that people want to see me naked and that they still want to see it now. I want people to love what they see. I want to turn people on and let them know that I’m healthy and happy and that I’m not going to make the same mistakes again. This is important to me and part of proving myself to everyone is to come to you first so you can all see how much I care about getting it right this time!”