Note: The following is a parody. It is completely fictional and while it refers to real people and events, it is entirely a fictional representation. It is not meant to be viewed as a real magazine. The actions and photos included are all fakes.
You can call Minka Kelly a lot of things. You can call her beautiful. You can call her gorgeous. You can call her stunning. You can even call her perfect. We’ve called her all of those things ourselves. But there’s one thing she doesn’t want to ever be called and that’s “Derek Jeter’s ex-girlfriend.” Because there’s so much more to her than that.
“I understand tabloid culture, I really do,” Minka admits with a sigh. “But to tear someone down to a degree where they’re nothing more than the other half of someone they dated? To me that’s the most degrading thing you can do to a person. You take away everything about them that’s them and just leave them as an extension of someone they were dating. It’s insulting and it’s really as though all your value has been stripped away.”
We couldn’t agree more and that’s why we would never make that mistake and why we don’t think anyone else ever will, especially once they get a sight of a whole new side of Minka. It’s funny to hear her talking about being “stripped away” when that’s what we’re doing in this new edition of Celebrities Illustrated as we strip away all her clothes and leave people with the fantasy vision of Minka Kelly nude.
And while she got a lot of fame for dating the Yankees shortstop and future Hall of Famer, there’s no doubt that Minka got where she is because of who she is and what she can do. A talented young actress, Minka broke hearts on Friday Night Lights and recently played one of the most iconic women of all time as she played Jacqueline Kennedy in the recent smash hit The Butler. But now there’s a chance for people to see a whole new side of her in this gorgeous layout that gets Minka Kelly naked and makes sure everyone gets a chance to see just what a beauty she really is.
“I think the human body is beautiful,” Minka says to us. “We’re so repressed here and it’s a shame that we are because it really can be hurtful to young women who think they have to act and be a certain way. We spend so much time repressing ourselves and our natural desires for sex that we end up thinking anyone who likes sex must be a slut. We assume that just because a woman isn’t afraid to show herself then she must be some kind of a whore and is sleeping with everyone. That’s a terrible thing to say to someone and that’s one of the reasons I wanted to do this. I want to show the world who I am.”
And show us she does in a stunning layout that gives people the Minka Kelly nudity that they have dreamed about for so long. She is definitely a woman with a hell of a body and her mind is always whirling too. To make a statement like this through posing for Celebrities Illustrated is certainly something we support and her points are all strong ones too. She is more than just who she dated. She is more than just a pretty face.
And, perhaps most importantly, the shame over the human body has gone on for too long as it leads to the idea that people must look and act a certain way.
“I know people will look at this and say ‘Of course she’s posing and of course she’s confident about her body, she’s gorgeous!’ but I certainly don’t always feel that way,” Minka admits. “Confidence is sexy and I feel confident, but everyone, no matter who they are, are going to feel times when they feel shame over themselves and that they’re doing something wrong by being who they are and being proud of it. It shouldn’t just be celebrities who aren’t afraid to be naked. It should be people of every body shape and size so they can say to the world that this is who they are. We need to own ourselves and how we look and never be afraid to show it!”
Minka again makes a great point and we’re just glad she’s decided to show it to everyone in the pages of our magazine.